How to be our true selves? 7 ways to become self-actualized

Learning how to be our true selves is an important part of creating a meaningful life and authentic relationships. Authenticity happens when our words, actions, and behavior consistently align with our core identity. But many people have trouble expressing themselves clearly, showing who they are and knowing what they want out of life.

There are concrete, actionable ways to begin to find and more fully express your true self. If you are ready to learn how to be your true self, in this article from Alamo Magazine I want to show you seven ways to start this process.

We’ll also talk about the amazing benefits you can get from embracing your authenticity. Please stay with us until the end.

What does it mean to be authentic?

Authenticity means having an accurate knowledge of who you are and what you stand for, and after knowing yourself, express yourself honestly and consistently to the world.

Authenticity means:

• Express your opinions honestly and in a healthy way
• Make decisions that align with your values ​​and beliefs
• Follow your interests
• Listening to the inner voice that guides you forward
• Be critical
• Set boundaries and stay away from toxic situations

On a deeper level, authenticity illuminates the path forward for the life you want.

When you know what’s important to you, you make decisions that align with your identity and core values. Then you begin to build a life that brings you meaning and happiness. By doing this, you encourage those around you to do the same.

Paradoxically, fear of rejection often prevents people from expressing their true selves. They put on a “mask” and change their behavior to fit in with others. When you put on a mask and show something you are not, you feel isolated and alone. Guilt, shame, and low self-esteem are the result of not being true to yourself.

That’s when you should look inside yourself and ask yourself: “What does being authentic mean to me?”

7 effective ways to find and show our true self

The path to creating the life you want begins with knowing who you are. If you follow these tips to find your true self, you will have a clear path ahead.

1. Ask yourself, when do you feel truly authentic?

Asking yourself some direct questions can help you figure out who you are. When you are honest with yourself about your values ​​and beliefs, it becomes easier to make decisions that align with your true self.

What types of people, activities, or situations make you feel most alive?

Are there people or parts of your life that make you feel sad or angry?

Then take it one step further. What happens in situations you feel bad about? Write:

• Who are you with in this situation?
• What feelings arise in this situation?
• What are these experiences costing you emotionally or physically?

What happens in situations where you feel real?

• Who are you with in this situation?
• What activities are involved in this situation?
• What are the positive feelings or consequences of these experiences?

From this activity alone, you will have a good idea of ​​what needs to change.

You should prioritize those people and activities that bring you happiness. Alternatively, if you want to live a more authentic life, you may need to get away from those unhealthy relationships and toxic situations.

2. Be present

The ability to be present with yourself, regardless of what is going on around you, is essential to feeling real and authentic. If you are always distracted by mental talk or reacting to external situations, it means that you are not aware of your situation.

Focus within yourself. Once you know how you’re coming across, whether you’re being approved of, or what you need to do next, focus inward. Think about your values.

Practice pausing to breathe and relax. This will strengthen your mindfulness and help you realize when you are drifting away from your true self.

With awareness, you find opportunities to express yourself more fully and take actions that you feel align with a more authentic version of you.

3. Build your own social support system

Barbara DeAngelis says: “If we want to discover ourselves and be our true selves, we have to find the courage to say no at the right time.”

If you want to live a real life, you need to surround yourself with authentic people. This means intentionally giving your time and attention to people who are not only honest with you, but who support you along the way.

Make a list of your social circle from time to time and surround yourself with supportive people who will push you forward.

How to create a social support system:

• Find communities, groups, or people in your life that share your values. Spend time with them and be with them.
• Surround yourself with people who encourage you to dream big.
• Get away from the usual opponents
• Connect with a coach or counselor who can help you navigate your path to self-discovery.
• Take care of your relationships from time to time.

4. Speak your truth with conviction

Improving the way you communicate can have a huge impact in your real life. What we want to say often gets lost in how we say it.

According to research, 9 out of 10 conversations do not have the desired results. The other party does not understand our intentions, resulting in miscommunication, conflict, and confusion.

Some people tend to be passive communicators and avoid sharing opinions. Others are very conversational and cannot listen well.

Necessary tools for assertive communication:

• Express your needs honestly
• Listening to others when they speak
• Maintain eye contact during the conversation
• Ability to say no

Practicing an assertive communication style ensures open and honest dialogue while also considering the needs of others. These conversations are balanced so that both people have a chance to speak.

5. Every day, take more steps towards authenticity and reaching your true self

Authenticity can seem like a big, abstract concept. But when you really look at it, it comes back to your daily routine. Because these seemingly small moments, the things you say, your decisions, and your actions become who you are. Living an authentic life starts with daily planning.

daily schedule

If your time is dominated by other people’s priorities, you will certainly feel like you are not your true self. Take time to decide on your next day’s priorities: activities to do, exercise, enough sleep.

Set aside time each day to take one small step forward toward your personal goals. It can be as simple as spending a few minutes researching a career change or doing an art or sport that makes you happy.

Commit to these small tasks. You will be amazed at the changes.

6. Take a step back to gain perspective

When you find yourself in a quandary, it makes sense to use all your brain power to come up with a solution. But sometimes this approach doesn’t get you anywhere, and just leads to a cycle of overthinking.

When you focus too much on a problem, you lose control of the situation. Sometimes you need to take a step back to see the bigger picture. You may need to take a day or a week off to do something fun.

7. Recognize internal versus external influences

Knowing how to be authentic helps you understand the difference between internal motivation and external influences.

Internal stimuli: Internal motivators are motivations and desires that come from deep within. I’m talking about the dreams of the heart that drive you to become a better person and pursue your goals.

External stimuli: Extrinsic motivations refer to decisions you make based on external factors, such as money, status, recognition, or expectations from other people.

When you take the time to distinguish between internal and external stimuli, you can make decisions more clearly. Ask yourself:

• Am I being pressured by other people to take this step? If so, by whom?
• What do I want to do with this goal?
• Am I willing to fight against difficult obstacles to make this happen?
• Is this really what I want?

Pay attention to your heart’s answer to each of these questions. You will get interesting information.

Does being your true self make you happier?

A 2008 study published in the Journal of Counseling Psychology found that people who are authentic feel happier and have higher self-esteem.

A 1997 study from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that showing one’s true self led to greater satisfaction and lower stress levels in a particular role, as a friend, employee, or student.

2006 research from the Journal of Counseling Psychology shows that authenticity increases satisfaction in romantic relationships.

When you discover how to be your authentic self, you will live in the right flow. Consistent adherence to your core values ​​leads to self-confidence. In this situation, you trust yourself and know that you can overcome obstacles while pursuing your goals.

When you learn to be your authentic self, you create authentic relationships. You express yourself honestly, and therefore, you attract like-minded people who support you for being who you really are.

People are often reluctant to show their true selves. Because they believe that this mask is what others want to see. They change their behavior to match a particular situation. Psychologists call this behavior self-monitoring.

And the final word…

When you are your true self, you end up following your heart and putting yourself in places, situations, and conversations that you love and enjoy. You meet people you like to talk to. You go to the places you have dreamed of. In a word, you feel satisfied.